So this is how body image problems develop

I went to a medical spa recently where all my measurements got taken. Here's what took place:

Spa: Ma'am Frances, for your height of 5'4", you're underweight at 105 lbs. But your body is 20% fat. Although normal range is 20-22% for women, better if you're about 15-18%. So you're underweight but fat.

Me: I'm fat? But I need to gain weight?

Spa: Yes, ma'am. You need 10 to 15 lbs pa po. But see this flab on your upper arms and belly? That's fat. So you know that saying skin-and-bones? You're skin-fat-and-bones. It should be skin-muscle-and-bones.

Me: I'm fat.

Spa: Well, looking at you, obviously you're not. You're very very slim. You need to get rid of your fat first with cardio exercises and less fat in your diet. More protein. Then when your fat is lessened, you can start building up your muscles. Again, you need to gain 10 to 15 lbs of pure muscle. Less fat, more muscle.

Me: I'm fat!

Later at home I wail to my husband as he washed the dishes.

Me: Apparently I'm within normal range at 20% fat but instead of that comforting me, she goes, "Better if you're about 15-18%" range.

Vince: Michael Jordan was famously 9% body fat.

Later, I gripe to a friend, Ruby, who replies giddily, "Oh, I'm only 12% body fat!"

Sigh. These days, I stare at my thin self in the mirror with utmost dissatisfaction. Better start hitting the gym and stop eating all the junk I love. *sniff* *sob*

I may not be a fan of Gossip Girl but this is an atrocity!

Found out from PEP and BB that a new show is about to premiere this weekend. It's based on the phenomenal and influential CW series, Gossip Girl.

I'm not a fan of Gossip Girl simply because I find it utterly ridiculous. But my friends and my staff and a lot of OK! readers love it. My boss even ordered me to watch it ("It's your job!"). I do see the fashion influence everywhere. Darlings, even I'm doing the Blair Waldorf look recently--the headbands, the knee-length skirts, the preppy colorful outfits. Ah, I can't escape it! So I totally understand why TV5 is doing a local version. GG is hot hot hot.

(Warning: This is really bad. If you're a Gossip Girl fan, then you really don't want to see this. If you don't want your day ruined, just skip this post. I have other nice posts in this blog. But this is so bad, I have to just put it out there... for world condemnation.)

Behold Lipgloss, the Filipino version of Gossip Girl!



The premise is, as with GG, these kids are frikkin' rich and they all study in an exclusive private high school and their lives are chronicled in the "most fabulous online community for the younger generation." Tee hee, who writes this crap? Anyway, so they're rich. But the minute the cast opened their mouths, you know that ain't the case, sweetheart! "Ob cors, I wanna be a rich kid and guess what? I am! My fudder win in da American lottery... kaya nga I'm from rugs-to-riches story, eh!" WTF? Can't they at least get some diction training together with their obviously not effective acting lessons? Oh, and GG is such a fashionista show. Based on that video, Lipgloss is not going to strike any sartorial thunderbolts. Ever.

What a sad sad day for Filipino TV this is. My Creative Writing professor once professed, "There is nothing new under the sun. There are only new ways of telling old stories." So if we must copy something, can't we do it well? Or better??

Wait, are they really going to copy Gossip Girl? GG is so sexual, it shouldn't even be classified as a show for teens. And then they're going to take that concept here??? In this country where The Anti-Obscenity and Pornography Act of 2007 is being enthusiastically pushed by some of the dirtiest people in the world--Pinoy politicians (oh, the irony kills me)???

I don't really like Pinoy TV. It's a farce. What's farce? Something so tragic, it's funny. That's why I watch it--to laugh my head off silly. Seriously, I support Pinoy TV. Support! Support! So I was very pleasantly surprised with the Philippine franchise of one of my favorite shows, Project Runway. The local edition is actually good. And I was so happy that Pinoy TV is finally catching up. Then Lipgloss comes along and my dismay returned with a vengeance.

*images from news sites

Link exchanges... so tiring

I've gone through my entire blog and decided to link up the people who actually read this blog. Oh, what a tedious thing to do. But I'm glad I did it because it's like the least I can do for the people who read my silliness.

Of course a lot of readers who left comments don't have blogs so I felt a bit bad about that. Also, I left out some blogs that haven't been updated (yes, I checked each and every commenter and their blog!). It's kinda unfair to link up people's sites and when you click on them, the dates are so long ago. It's not fun, no sirree.

So there! Leave me a comment (a real one, okay!) and I'll link you up! Hope you can link me up, too =D

Don't read this post if you haven't finished Breaking Dawn!

Don't worry. No real spoilers here, but I'm not exactly discreet either. So read at your own risk!

I just finished the last book of the Twilight Saga and I must say the following:

1. Many events in the book took me quite by surprise, which is good. It's always a good thing when a writer can be unpredictable.

2. That said, just because a writer can surprise you doesn't mean the surprises are all pleasant. I didn't like a lot of things. A horrid name, for example. Ugh, I just can't get over that name.

3. While we were treated to a stylistic tool in the third book (Jacob's POV), to use that same tool in a huge chunk of BD was a little too late, a little too convenient, a little too lazy. I must admit, though, Jacob's part was the best read. Bella had become increasingly boring since the second book so the story told in another way and another voice was strangely a relief.

4. I miss, truly miss, Bella and Edward's love story. In this book, it wasn't really about their love story as much as it was about a family story. Make no mistake--Edward and Bella are even more deeply in love here than ever. But I guess marriage does that to any couple (including me and Vince. Sigh!): the focus isn't entirely on each other anymore; you include others into the circle. Not a bad thing really but... I just really want to say I miss that consuming, one-of-a-kind, maddeningly young, deeply private love story that is Bella and Edward.

5. I think I get the cover now. WOW! That was totally unexpected. But, like I said, that cover says it all--Bella has an entirely new passion and focus in BD. And never ever did I think that Stephenie would pounce that on us!

6. Last but not the least, Team Edward HOORAY! HOORAY! HOORAY!

Okay, I'll stop there. But darnit, I want to discuss this book already! Everyone I know are still reading it, are done but are currently catching up on sleep they lost because of the midnight release and the subsequent marathon reading, or there's someone not done reading it yet in a gathering of those who've finished it so we all can't talk about it anyway! Anyone out there done with it? Comment!!!

*book cover image from Stephenie Meyer's site. Team Edward button from Cafe Press. Click on the button to pledge allegiance to the most swoon-worthy vampire in the world: Edward!


UPDATE: Okay, I've slept already. I've digested the book. And now, even with all the negative things I said above, I think that I actually really liked Breaking Dawn! I still don't like that name though...

Oh, I am soooo in love with this fashionista family!

As you all know by now, I am a shoe freak. So when I stumbled upon Sea of Shoes via another blog I haunt (Chuvaness.com), I just became addicted to this absolutely gorgeous family.

Here's the author of the blog. Her name's Jane Aldridge. She's wearing a Carolina Herrera dress with Balenciaga ankle boots (btw, good news: Balenciaga opens today at Greenbelt 5 in Makati!). She's not a fashion model, I think, which makes that great because I really can't be inspired by incredibly thin people who look hungry (though she and I are quite slim, too). I love how she can pair any shoe with absolutely anything in her closet... or how she can make anything look glamorous (exhibit A: the messy hair, exhibit B: the bathroom of her sister that they're demolishing).

This is her sister. Soooo adorable. I love her lipstick. I can't wear lipstick; I'm more of a lip gloss girl (my favorites this month are a frosty pink from Shu Uemura and a sugary gold from Mary Kay). Anyway, this cutie is wearing a pair of peep-toe lace-up Dolce & Gabbana heels with a mini dress from Marc by Marc Jacobs.

And this is their mother. Well, now we know where the girls got their good looks! (The dog looks cute, too, hehe) She wore her Chloe triple strap patent boots with Levi's and an American Apparel shirt. So chic! I wanted to buy those same Chloe boots in Selfridges in London and even Vince encouraged me to buy them but I just couldn't get past that price tag--a whopping GBP 365 (or PHP 31,915). Damn!

If, however, I suddenly have a lot of money, I think I can buy these Chloe lovers from this other blogger. Her blog, A Woman and Her Shoes, is another new favorite. It's almost like porn actually since I get really high looking at all the delectable pairs in her blog.

Ah, shoes! Gosh, I love Jane's blog so much, maybe I'll do something similar. But since I have very limited resources and very few clothes and no sense of style at all... well, maybe it's not a very good idea for me after all. Insert tragic sigh here!

Britney and Michael--Bring them back!

OMG. You've got to watch this video of Michael Jackson and Britney Spears singing "The Way You Make Me Feel"!!! Two superstars on stage, singing live, feeding off each other's energy--it's electrifying.

Really makes you long for the good ol' days when real singing sensations entertained us. Not the crap we get these days. Well, at least Britney's back in the studio recording an album again. I really liked Blackout, and the critics hailed it, too, as one of her best. Sad that she wasn't able to promote it because her life was in such turmoil last year. But she's much better now, healthier, hitting the gym trying to get back her old shape. And she'll also be part of Madonna's big tour next month. And her video for "Piece of Me" just got nominated for the MTV VMAs. People really still believe in Britney!

Now if only Michael will also come back...

Anyway, here's another video that I love. At least Madonna, Christina Aguilera and Missy Eliot's still in the scene. That's quite a comforting thought really!

I haven't gone to church in 6 years

Aside from the occasional wedding and funeral and christening, of course. If you know me or if you've read this blog for a while, you'd know I have this huge faith in God. I'm a Born-Again Christian, grew up in a Baptist church, and I completely believe that the Lord Jesus Christ is my Savior and that my life is meaningless without Him.

So why did I stop attending church? Oh, there are tons of reasons. Here's a good list I found from The Accidental Missionary:
10. I was only going to church to please others.
9 I want to spend more time with my friends.
8. I disagreed with the church’s stance on political or social issues.
7. I didn’t feel connected with the people in my church.
6. I became too busy.
5. I moved too far away.
4. My work responsibilities prevented me from attending.
3. I started college and stopped church.
2. Church members seemed too judgmental or hypocritical.
1. I simply wanted a break from church.

And then the blog's author surmises, "Why do they want a break? I think maybe #2 causes #1."

And that's why I ultimately left. Left the family I loved, the friends I grew up with, the church that formed my beliefs and my morals. Well, I didn't become un-Christian, mind you, I just left the church physically because it just got too confusing for me. It's like what Gandhi supposedly said, "I would become a Christian if it were not for Christians." I felt back then that I was surrounded by judgmental hypocrites and I wanted to scream my head off because I was so lost in a place where I should feel found.

So I wandered off. Shopped around for different churches and checked out a few "life-changing" seminars. Studied a bit of Buddhism and even found that very attractive. Except that I just couldn't shake off my one true love: Jesus Christ. I fell in love with Christ before and I asked Him into my heart and there is no way I'm asking Him to ever leave. Never!

Anyway, now that I've had time away and apart to live how I want, explore the world I was protected from, meet many kinds of people I never would've known had I stayed in my cloistered existence... well, I can't say I regret these past 6 years. Nope, not at all. I loved every minute of it! I've had tons of fun. I've grown a deeper understanding of myself, my fellow men, and of God.

And I guess I understand now that what I thought was judgmental and hypocritical behavior before was perhaps also growing pains, the same thing I had to go through. I guess if there's anything I love about getting older, it's getting more compassionate and understanding. Wisdom only comes with age. So yes, I will welcome the years.

Ah, but it's been 6 years, my friends. And I'm starving.

*song is I'm Going Home by Chris Daughtry; video features clips from Spirit, created by horselover1166

Finding old friends is the best fun

In Facebook, an old classmate from Assumption Antipolo posted this photo last week:


That's me on the top row, third student from left (click photo to enlarge). I am 6 or 7 years old here and I have no front teeth!

Since Facebook allows you to tag people in photos, all of us who were tagged here left comments on the pic and that's also how we found each other again. I got such a huge kick getting updates from long lost friends--most of them are married, with kids or are pregnant, and juggling a career, too. We've been emailing each other (and that's a lot of mail that I've been cheerfully busy with!) and I just get soooo happy reading about them and setting up appointments to meet soon. Their lives sound so fascinating and it boggles me that they find my life exciting, too.

Okay, I love my life. I keep telling Vince that the life I have now is beyond my wildest imagination (and Vince would always chuckle back, "You didn't imagine much then!"). After growing up poor, to be able to buy my shoes and bags and dresses, eat at nice places, buy my medicines (I'm a health nut), live in a lovely home, travel, help my parents financially, and do all these and more without going into debt... this life is totally insane for me.

You see, I've been very selfish these past years, focusing entirely on myself. It's a survival thing, I think. I wasn't very happy in my youth so I've worked very very hard the last decade or so to get to this point where I am happy. But in the last year, I've begun looking outward.

Maybe because I'm so happy and settled down? Maybe because I'm older and finally wiser? Maybe because I finally listened to God's prodding and stopped focusing on me? I don't know. All I know is there is a hunger in me to be generous, to give, to love, to reconnect, to ask forgiveness and to forgive. After all, I wouldn't be where I am today if other people hadn't been so generous with me. Vince's parents gave us our home, my bosses at work have rewarded my service, my staff gives so much time to the magazine so I wouldn't need to, my friends and sisters-in-law and family made my wedding utterly exquisite, my husband continues to spoil me rotten by providing me my needs and my wants. I am so blessed because people around me, despite my selfishness, have poured out their lives and emptied their pockets just so I can be happy. God is too good to me and that humbles me a lot, you know?

Life really isn't about oneself; it's about sharing your life with others. I have finally found meaning in generosity.

I'm making this blog work for me!

Hi y'all! I've had this blog since May 2006 and the blogging life has been pretty good. I've met a lot of friends online and made new friends, too. I didn't expect that especially when all I really wanted to happen with this blog was to pour out my thoughts and use it as a central place where I can update my family and friends with what's happening to me.

Then more and more people started visiting this blog. According to Site Meter, I've had 13,131 visitors (hey, that's a strange number) and 21,409 page views since I gave birth to Topaz Horizon. Not bad! All these visits have made me really enjoy blogging and making sure you enjoy reading this blog, too.

Now, I'm going to make this blog work hard for me. I heard about payperpost from some blogger friends of mine. They swore to me that through PPP, they've earned a lot of money. Now that's something I'd want to do! I'm really super excited to make my blog earn money for me. I mean, I write for a living! So everything I write--every little word--must earn me something!

If you are a blogger, I highly recommend you to check out payperpost. It's a little techie (installing codes and stuff on your html, for example) but it's really just a tiny bit of trouble. After that, you can earn money with each post you write! Now, that's brilliant!

I found another Topaz Horizon!

And she writes, too!

Gosh. It sucks to have someone else on cyberspace who's just like you.

I haven't read her stories yet but she seems to be prolific. Now I'm envious. I haven't written any stories since 2001. And I call myself a writer, ha! Well, I do write articles and I do edit a magazine but there's an awfully annoying part of me that tells me I'm no good because I haven't written a story for so long.

Anyway, back to the other Topaz Horizon. I'll disappear for a bit so I can read her stuff. Syempre, I assume she's a she. I wonder if she's also a November girl. That's why I named my blog that because I love my gemstone, topaz--the smoky or yellow ones, not those common blue ones. I'm always in search for rings, pendants, earrings that are yellow topazes. They are quite rare!

Hmmm, I wonder if she knows about my blog... Gee, I really feel like we're connected somehow. I mean, we came up with the same name! We must think alike, eh? I'm sooo curious but I'm scared to contact her. What do you think?